Throughout my childhood, I interacted with many Christians, and most of the people I looked up to were Christians, which is a testament to being raised in a Christian home. I seemed to really like Christians, yet I was far from being one myself. I learned a lot about the Bible and Jesus by regularly attending Church and Christian school, but it was mostly to gain approval from those I admired or to mask my true self and cover my sins. Outwardly, I appeared Christian; inwardly, I was dead—a modern-day Pharisee, polished on the outside but empty and dead within. I constantly violated the principles I claimed to believe in through premarital sexual encounters, pornography, and lying to my parents about where I was going so I could hang out with a girl they disapproved of. Gradually, I began to recognize that what I was doing was wrong, though I continued in my sin, albeit now with some shame. I was roughly 15 years old when I started to feel this tad bit of shame, though it wasn’t enough to break my love for my sin.

It wasn’t until my family moved from Michigan to North Carolina, and then quickly after moving from North Carolina to Florida that I hit my bottom point. I felt like my world was uprooted twice, and I was quite bitter, though you wouldn’t know that by looking at me. Oddly enough this is what made me start reading my Bible on my own for the first time, outside of a school setting. I had no friends, and the few people I met repulsed me with their blatant sinfulness, which was ironic given I was a hypocrite and sinner myself. This went on for about six months.

Sometime in late 2010 or early 2011, while reading Matthew’s Gospel, I was struck deeply by the Sermon on the Mount, particularly chapter 7:

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’” (Matthew 7:21–23)

Reading this, I instantly realized I was the “worker of lawlessness.” I was the one who would have said, “Lord, Lord,” yet been cast out. I desperately needed a Savior. The sins I once loved now troubled me deeply, and I hated them. I finally realized what I was wanting and chasing my whole life was Christ. He saved me, and I am so glad that he did.